lyndawithay: (Default)
[personal profile] lyndawithay
*wanders aimlessly around the house*

*picks up duster and dusts a shelf absently*

*suddenly realises she's been dusting the same shelf for fifteen minutes*

*tries to concentrate on embroidering a pillow*

*stabs her finger several times and gives up*

*walks to the window and stares outside*

Note sent by ood

Date: 2007-01-02 09:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Dear Mrs L Gate,

I would like to apologise for the chaos I caused a little while back and I hope you and your husband'll find it in your hearts to forgive me. I'll understand if you don't though. I feel this apology is well overdue and I can't put it off any longer.


P.S. This may sound rude but, you can't die, can you? I'm sorry for any offense caused by my bluntness but I'm curious.

Date: 2007-01-02 03:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Dear Mrs Gate,

Thank you for forgiving me. I was an idiot for allowing myself to be manipulated.

I remember Jimmy saying about your return to life after we came back from that awful Circus, then, a little later, you told Giacomo that you couldn't be killed and I worked it out from there.

Thank you for satisfying my curiosity. Are you the only other one or is there anyone else?


Date: 2007-01-02 04:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Dear Lynda,

Don't worry I won't say anything. I know what you mean about not wanting to attract unwanted attention because I'm not exactly normal myself, to put it mildly, as I'm sure you already know.


Note sent by Ood

Date: 2007-01-02 11:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Dearest Lynda,

Terribly sorry to keep you in suspense about my next letter. However, as I've recently wrenched a shoulder muscle and sprained two tentacles, it's made finishing that lengthy note rather difficult. But rest assured that this explains any moans of agony you might hear from my direction, and that they are
not in fact a sign of me pining for you.

Fond regards,
(still carefully illegible to maintain suspense)

PS. Teresa sends her apologies for her part in the delay.

Re: Note sent by Ood

Date: 2007-01-02 11:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*hands you a further note with the last one*

Dear Mrs. Gate,

Really, I don't mind carrying all these notes back and forth for you and everyone. But it would make it so much nicer if you'd just write one that was meant for
me once in a while!

Your kindness in these communications is appreciated.

Your obedient servant,
Ood Alpha 6

PS. The scones were delicious.

Date: 2007-01-02 09:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*reads note*

*tentacles bounce in a cheery smile*

*takes a piece of paper from the writing-desk*

Dear Mrs. Gate,

Thank you!

*presents it to you with a bow and a flourish*

*bounds off to the kitchen*

Date: 2007-01-04 09:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Dear Lynda,

Much better now. Tentacles still a bit sore.

I've tried writing this letter nine different ways... Each time I've felt like I've barely scratched the surface.

The idea of you trying to kill yourself over your feelings for me is
horrifying. Please, promise me, you'll never try that again. I know how agonizing it must be, to feel helpless in the face of this overwhelming emotion... but ending your life isn't the answer.

And neither is crushing your feelings.

I don't have a magic answer... but I do have some thoughts.

For a start, you have to separate what I feel for you from what you feel for me. If
you are suffering, that's bad enough... don't make yourself feel more guilty by projecting your suffering onto me. I'm not feeling anything as wrenching as you are. I have a strong and enduring (and if necessary entirely platonic) love for you... but not a compulsive one. If I never make love to you again, I will survive, I will prosper, I will be no less than satisfied in my life.

(But if I were never to have you close to me as a friend, that would wound me deeply.)

What all this comes down to is, you have to stop
needing me. That's quite separate from loving me or even wanting me... like I said ages ago, I hope you'll always love me but never need me. That's what makes the difference between an enjoyable desire, and one that leaves you feeling helpless in the face of it or agonized from the lack of its fulfillment.

But one thing I've learned is that you can't kill a genuine need. You can starve it, ignore it, drive it underground, but it will always resurface in you somehow... possibly in a far more twisted form than when you started out. If not focused on me... then on someone or something else. Some of my own needs, which I'd tried to ignore, burst to the surface throughout the whole unfortunate Satan incident... turning my back on them, and trying to be nice and dutiful, only made them worse. Don't make that same mistake.

Right now you feel guilty even for having this desire. But this need is
not because you're greedy or selfish (or, no matter what that nasty [ profile] kateorman said, a hopeless slut)... it's there because there's something important in your soul which your husband hasn't touched. It could be a certain sort of eroticism you're missing, or an unalloyed sympathy, or a perspective on the universe... or it could simply be that I represent a broader life than you can find on the outskirts of Victorian Sydney. That would be the curse of crossing paths with the Doctor... after a while, a tiny world stops feeling like enough.

Date: 2007-01-04 09:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You need to work out what exactly it is you're craving. Once you know yourself that much better, then you can find ways of satisfying that need which won't hurt your marriage or your sense of self... whether that means travelling more, or spending more time emotionally unburdening yourself, or taking Arthur to extremely-adult-education courses on Erotismus Major so he can learn how to satisfy whatever needs he hasn't been reaching. (Or even just getting him to relax somehow, and be comfortable with boundaries which are flexible enough to satisfy both your needs, but stop short of the things which really frighten you both.)

I know you want to make your marriage work, and satisfy every bit of Arthur's soul. But you won't do that by neglecting pieces of your own, to fit someone else's ideal.

By the same token... Have no fear that I am anything less than happy and fulfilled with Teresa. She has inspired me to find out who I am; she is not the whole of my life, but she is at the center of it. (Let me put it this way. The thought of never having Teresa by my side again sent me into a full-blown Satanic nervous breakdown. The thought of never having you by my side again... not, as they say, so much.) The feelings I have for you are no threat to that.

Just be aware that contentment does not mean the death of desires... One can be satisfied in the life one has, even while seeing the possibility of something beyond it. Even if one has no assurance that they will ever reach that extra possibility in their lifetime, it can be satisfying enough to travel towards it. Its absence is not a pain, even if its presence would be a delight.

(Forgive me. I've been reading through Dr. Joyce's philosophy section in the library.)

I know this isn't the way you feel right now; that's why it tortures you so much to want and need. But just remember it is possible, somehow, someday, to feel this way. And it is in fact because I am content on that deep level that I can love you without needing you. I only hope that you can somehow find that same contentment with your life.

In the meantime, if it helps, I'll be careful about looking at you so adoringly.

Oh, and don't ever, ever, ever feel bad about breaking my heart. My heart is twice the size it was before, thanks in large part to you.

Hoping to hear from you soon,

The one bit of this I am finding painful is not being able to tell you how much the gift you gave me meant to me. But that can wait till you're stronger.

Date: 2007-01-04 09:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*lugs that massive note in*

*collapses on the sofa for a kelp-and-currant bun*


lyndawithay: (Default)

March 2008

9 101112131415

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 20th, 2017 07:33 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios