The Gates' kitchen, Sydney

[lyndawithay]

*enters kitchen, dressed in her best Victorian housewife ensemble, to keep her appointment with Jack, and sits at the table*

All right, here I am. Let's talk.

Why did Arthur contact you? How did you know about my suicide?

And how can you possibly help me?

Comments

[agent_harkness]

Maybe that's something you should discuss with him. I guess the question is - tell or not tell?

[lyndawithay]

I don't want to keep secrets from him, especially not guilty ones, but I don't want to erode his trust in me.

I don't see any good solution.

[agent_harkness]

I agree. It's a heck of a situation for anyone to find themselves in. I guess you're going to have find an imperfect solution and try and stick with that.

[lyndawithay]

I can't ask him, either, what he thinks I should do. If I decided not to tell him, but he knew that decision, he'd always wonder.

No. If I'm going to slip, I need to own my mistake and tell him, however afraid I might be of the consequences. It's only fair to be honest with him. I would rather know, if our positions were switched.

Jack, can I ask you something?

Why did you agree to come here tonight?

[agent_harkness]

I care about you. You know that.

I knew you'd have questions about your newfound immortality.

[lyndawithay]

Well, yes, starting with how it happened in the first place, and what's going to happen to me. Will I live forever? Will I get older? And what if I don't? Will I have to watch Arthur die while I stay the same forever?

Jack, I think it happened on the Game Station -- I died there, died for real. Do you remember anything strange happening there?

[agent_harkness]

*leans forward* Tell me all about it - anything you can remember.

[lyndawithay]

I remember being on the observation deck where you'd stationed me...Daleks were trying to get through the door, then I turned around and saw them at the window...the glass shattered, and I felt this tremendous pain, as if I were being burned up from the inside, and I tried to scream but I couldn't get any air into my lungs.

I knew I was dying.

I tried to fight but the pain was too huge, bigger than the whole world, and I finally stopped fighting and let myself fall into it. It was a relief, a huge relief.

And then...nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing around me, nothing in me, no thoughts, no sensations. I don't really remember this bit, more that it was in contrast with what happened next.

A word...appeared, the only thing that existed, it was the entire universe. I'll never forget how it sounded.

"LIFE," it said.

And suddenly everything turned...sort of sparkly, sort of gold, like when you press your fingers against your eyelids, and the pain came back and I could breathe again. And the window wasn't broken. I lay there for a bit; I could hardly move, it hurt so much. Then it started to feel better, like the pain was leaking out of me, and I was able to move.

And when I called you there was no answer. I went to find you, and everyone was gone.

I had convinced myself, until our recent battle with the Circus, that it had been a dream or a hallucination or something, that I'd gotten banged on the head and imagined the whole thing. But now...I think I always knew, deep down that I died that day, and for some reason, I came back. Changed.

*twists the tablecloth between her fingers* It sounds a bit daft, saying it out loud like this.

[agent_harkness]

*a bit teary* *shakes his head* No. Not daft at all.

[lyndawithay]

Jack...what's wrong?

[agent_harkness]

Nobody made it off that station alive except the Doctor and Rose.

And you. And me.

[lyndawithay]

...nobody...?

Why? Why us?

[agent_harkness]

*just shakes his head*

I wish I had an answer to any of your questions.

[lyndawithay]

So, you don't know anything about this immortality, then.

[agent_harkness]

When it comes down to what it all means... I'm as lost as you are, Lynda.

It helps to know I'm not alone, though.

[lyndawithay]

*blinks* You...you mean, you are, too?

Was it...did it feel the same, with you?

How long have you known?

[agent_harkness]

I think the same thing happened to both of us on the station. Maybe at the same time - though I missed you, I'd have rescued you if I hadn't believed you were dead.

Yeah, it was pretty much the same.

I thought it was a one-time thing, some miracle. Maybe some kind of parting gift from the Doctor. He doesn't seem to know anything about it, though. But then it happened again. Stupid, trivial thing. I fell off a ladder! Can you believe it? Cracked my skull right open. Scared the hell out of a couple of paramedics when my head started knitting itself back together.

To tell you the truth, Lynda, it scares the hell out of me.

[lyndawithay]

Did you ever try to kill yourself?

[agent_harkness]

*suddenly very interested in his coffee* This is cold. I'm gonna make another batch. Tea, you said?

[lyndawithay]

*exasperated* Jack.

Finally we arrive at something you do know about and you won't talk to me.

[agent_harkness]

Let's just say I knew it was pretty likely you'd give it a try, and leave it at that.

[lyndawithay]

*head in her hands*

So, that's it then. We just live on and on, and never stop. Unnatural.

*looks up at you, plaintive*

How can you stand it? How can you get up every morning?

[agent_harkness]

In my line of work, it has certain advantages.

Lynda, we don't know that we're going to live forever. All we know is, right now, we just can't manage to die. Maybe we get a limited number of lives, like a cat, or maybe it'll run out after a certain amount of time. We just... God, I wish I knew.

[lyndawithay]

Here I hoped you'd have all the answers, and you don't have any.

But you're right...

*catches hold of your hand, smiling*

...it does feel better to know I'm not alone.

So, is there anything for pudding, or should we just skip straight to the sex?

[agent_harkness]

*kisses you*